Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
