i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
