I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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