can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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