So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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