Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
