My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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