I think scott just propositioned me for sex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
