Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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