One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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