genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
