This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
