suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize