don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
