I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just pynch a tree in the face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
