Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
