Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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