I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
