At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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