i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
