So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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