uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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