Betty ford says i'm here all night
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
