Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
