any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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