i love accidental penises.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
