Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
