I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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