I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
