I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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