Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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