I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
