Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
