her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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