My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
