Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
