if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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