I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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