I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
