In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish you could order shots online.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
