were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
