Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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