my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
