census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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