I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
