Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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