I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
