In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
