you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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