I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
