Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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