The maid of honor just puked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
