Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
