The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
