Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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