Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
