I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
