I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
