Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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