Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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