I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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