Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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