I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
