It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
