Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
