So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
