So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
